Sacrilege!
Written December 2008
Now this time it’s all gone too far... I’m talking about the X-Factor, of course, the nation’s favourite karaoke ‘talent’ contest. I understand the process, I know it’s a pile of shit and that it’s got fuck all to do with musical talent or artistic merit, and I can largely ignore it (apart from when there are display stands in every shop in the weeks before Christmas with stack upon stack of copies of the winner’s single) and can avoid my ears and sensibilities being offended by keeping the radio off for a while.
But one thing I hadn’t realised until recently – although it makes sense – is that the song that the winner gets to record and release in order to have their Christmas number one is predetermined: that is to say, it’s been selected well in advance. Now, on one hand, it’s absurd, because it may suit the voice of one contestant but not another. But of course, in order to get the rush-release done, the advance preparation has to be optimal, which means that the song’s not only preselected, but the backing track will be recorded ready for the public’s favourite to lay down the vocals, thus enabling the song to be mixed and mastered and ready to go in a matter of hours.
As I say, normally, I couldn’t care less. But then I read this. Put simply, this year’s choice of song is something I simply can’t deal with. It’s ‘Hallelujah.’ Yes, the Leonard Cohen song. The one Jeff Buckley recorded a near-legendary version of.
Diana Vickers, the dippy bint who’s hotly tipped to win the competition, sang the song as her audition piece. Simon Cunting Cowell was blown away and said that she’s “made the song her own.” What the fuck??
Now, for starters, you don’t mess with Leonard Cohen’s songs: to do so is sacrilege. I’ll forgive Buckley his cover because it’s actually pretty good (although I still prefer the growly vocals on the original). And because Buckley’s version is probably better known than the original, it’s perhaps fair to say that he did make the song his own. I wonder if Cowell has ever heard either of these recordings.
I know Cohen’s been left broke after his accountant ran off with his pension fund but really, is he this desperate? Or is it another example of a record company milking an artist for all they’re worth, with Cohen having had little or no say in the matter? Whatever, the end result is the same, and either way, it’s heinous.
Christmas cash-in manufactured music: just say no!